Archie Andrews
Poor boy makes good by marrying the millionaire's daughter!
Veronica
She's pretty and has lots of money!
Betty
She's bitter, and probably a latent serial killer, but is doing her best to hide it and just get through the wedding.
Mr. Lodge
He's pissed! PISSED!
Jughead
Will he ever get a job worth a damn?
Dilton Doily
Destined to be red-shirted early in the show.
Big Ethel
She's prettied up some since her teenage days, but is still ugly inside.
Weird British Guy
What the fuck is he doing on the show?
Reggie Mantle
If he couldn't have Archie, nobody would!
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