Around the World with the Diva, Published Ponsonby News October 2014

Even when Mary Mastony first began sailing on the QE2 in the early 80s, she could no longer be described as being in the first flush of youth. She discovered much to her delight and the other passengers chagrin that on board they regularly hold a Passenger Talent contest and Mary had always wanted to sing.

Now you have to understand that these talent shows are no “X factor” and performances range from the sublime to the truly ridiculous but are a much eagerly anticipated “World Cruise” tradition enjoyed if not for the hidden talents of those on board but also for the lengths that some people will go to have more than their share of fame. A show made up of the typical Cunarders of the day, a retinue of crazy debutantes from the 30s and 40s and the occasional famous face thrown in for good measure.

After her first performance Mary took the polite applause from the audience to heart and the next year arrived for the show with her old wedding dress and some plastic roses which she duly handed out to the crew to throw onto the stage at the completion of her aria.

Soon no show was complete without Mary warbling in the background, so much so that when she was once called “a bit of a Diva”, she rightly or wrongly, took this as a complement and started promoting herself as the “QE2 Diva”, writing several books under that pseudonym.

Who could resist her, the now tatty dress, the wig slightly askew and the tiny high voice, but Mary was one of the many characters who frequented the QE2 and even now, a few still can be found holding court in various Cunard Ballrooms.

Now it has to be said that these little old ladies were quite competitive and there was quite a rivalry between them.

Marys nemesis was Bea Muller who, after her husband had died onboard in 1999 decided that she wouldn’t accompany her husband’s body back to the States for burial, but would in fact stay and continue her World cruise. The “digs” having already been paid for and no chance of a refund. On her arrival back in the States, Bea spent a year getting her affairs in order to fund her retirement on board.

In her words, she wasn’t interested in staring out of a window and seeing the same old tree day in day out for what remained of her days.

Bea became famous for being the “lady who lived on the QE2” but eventually despite her best intentions ended her days in landlocked retirement, no doubt forced into looking at the same old tree day in and day out.

Some passengers had good experiences with her, others not so much. These old regulars took on an air of ownership of the ships and any other cruisers on board were mere interlopers.

In those days, a friend once sat in a empty chair in the ballroom to rest her well danced but now aching corns and was moved on abruptly by “Lillian”, who sat every night, in that very chair, and no usurper or interloper should dare to sit there. Meekly, (we were new to cruising then) we

moved.

Lillian was a tiny but perfectly preserved and coiffed French lady who's late husband had owned an American football team, the diamonds that she wore could have doubled as the ships anchors. She sailed the world cruise every year and her wardrobe accompanied her in a separate stateroom, you never saw Lillian wearing the same outfit twice.

Having escaped the Nazis in Germany she was living out her days in the company of the other old ladies on board. One of her companions was Mrs Levy, who had also escaped Germany and with her husband had started up a world renown pharmaceutical company, she was a heavy whiskey drinker and gambler and one of our personal favourites. About 4’4”, and aged in her 80s when we first met her, she was witty and sharp as a tack and sailed well into her 90s, her and Lillian only recently disappearing from the passenger lists.

Sadly every year I get on the ship, more of the old characters have left us but each year there is always a movie star, singer or famous name to pick out amongst the well heeled passengers.

I catch myself asking who the next generation of crazy Cunarders will be and then catch myself in the mirror ….and rethink that option.