00:25 am (CET)
If you haven't got your nominee list/ballot/cheat sheet get one here
00:26 am
First dilemma of the night: Do I watch the E! Entertainment Red Carpet show where they just talk about the frocks or the NBC one where they pretend to talk about the movies but actually just talk about the frocks?
00:35 am
Problem solved as SKY Italia don't actually broadcast E! anymore. So we'll just hear about the frocks then.
00:38 am
Last minute picks? Lincoln for Drama and Les Mis for Musical (d'oh!). Apart from Anne Hathaway for supporting actress, everything else is up in the air.
OK Red Carpet has started now it all gets a bit hazy.
01:06 am Jon Bon Jovi's teeth are spooky "Vanish" white. Nicole in McQueen early favourite for best frock. She does scrub up well.
01:25 am Lucy Liu is wearing curtains. Tina Fey's drinking game sounds like fun:"If someone thanks Harvey Weinstein, eat a meatball sub". Love Anne Hathaway, I even forgive her for One Day.
01:37 am Questions, questions. What's Barbara Windsor doing there? Oh no, it's Adele. What's happened to Richard Gere? His hair's now whiter than Jon Bon Jovi's teeth.
01:46am Helen Mirren rocking the Christina Aguilera look.
01:59 am Countdown to the ceremony drones out the droning presenters
02:12 am Surprises galore. The jokes are funny and Waltz winning supporting actor was unexpected. Boring speech though, so some things never change.
02:26 am HBO and the guy who directed Austin Powers sweeping the TV awards. Catherine Zeta Jones bursts into song while presenting just to remind us she was in a musical once.
02:50 am Pi best score and long overdue recognition for Mychael Danna whose music for Atom Egoyan's films are exquisite. Best song - Adele - bless her - she'll never be invited to join the toastmasters. Toby Jones loses to Kevin Costner - corner of wrong.
Bill Clinton!?! Yes that Bill Clinton. Not Dennis Quaid.
Kristen Wiig and Will Farrell steal the show (well, everyone finds them funny apart from Tommy Lee Jones) and annoint J La best actress Comedy/Musical for that "cookbook"film.
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| Tommy Lee Jones - We are not amused. |
03:30 am (or something - completely lost track of time at this point) Hathaway now gushing but nice tribute to Norma Rae.
God forbid, Tatantino talking about his "process".
03:40 am The Terminator awards Michael Haneke best foreign film. Much Austrian hilarity ensues. 04:12 am Jodie Foster - always a class act.
Daniel Craig and Rachel Weisz, neither hit with the ugly stick.
04:18 am Ben Affleck wins best director - they do love an actor who can do more than one thing - Oscars wide open now as Affleck doesn't even have a nomination.
04:43 am Huge Actman has just improved his Oscar chances though.
04:47 am and his film too.
04:52 Chastain best actress.
Day Lewis best actor, Denzel doesn't even try to hide his distaste.
04:58 am Argo - hugely popular win. Now I feel like those hostages - can finally go home to bed.
For a full list of winners click here
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